Suicide

Suicide is a very sensitive topic for many, and there is a huge spectrum of subtopics, reasons, philosophy, personal experiences and opinion that shape this conversation for good or for bad.  I want to put some of my own thoughts down and I want to make sure they are conveyed as personal opinion.
I recently saw a facebook post in a support group that I read only 2 or 3 minutes after it was posted.  It was a reaction to another member's post that was brief, but indicated it was one of their last acts while alive.
Immediately, we see multiple facets that play into this topic: Did this person post to reach out?  Did this person merely want to say goodbye?  Not sure what other actions were involved with the person, but they used facebook.  They likely knew the proximity of facebook friends that may or may not be local.  Did that factor into their plan?
Going back to the second post, there were already a few comments, as the second post was asking for the person's phone number.  It didn't take long for someone to forcefully tell the poster to call the police.  Nobody was able to get a hold of the person that indicated suicide, so the facebook community that was quickly growing was mostly just waiting in high anxiety for any news.  If I were to guess, I would ballpark the friend request figure from that hour for this person to be in the hundreds.
Regardless of their intentions, the fact is that they communicated thoughts of suicide to friends and acquaintances before acting upon it makes this conversation turn drastically.  If they had not, we would be talking about how horrible it was that they took their life and didn't reach out to anyone.  People closest would be most affected.  They may question themselves, wondering if they could have done more.  They may replay recent conversations they had with this individual over and over in their heads, beating themselves up for not being more intimate and empathetic to them.

This person reached out.  From all indications, it looks as if reaching out ultimately saved their life.  Police found them and took them to a safe place.

Many emotions play with a person that is suicidal. One aftermath emotion may be anger.  Anger it didn't work. Anger someone cared enough, so it might invalidate other thoughts like, "Nobody cares."  Anger at self for wanting death.  Anger at close friends who didn't see the signs that may have been too subtle. There is a plethora of emotions.  This one just may be a little more difficult to handle, as suicidal thoughts often point to emotional imbalance which implies possible lashing out with personal attacks.  When death has become the only option, being nice to anyone may not be a consideration.

I find the philosophy behind suicide fascinating.  As humans, we are social animals and we bond with those around us.  However competent and inclined a person may be to be social or open up emotionally to others, we all still need to connect to other humans at some level.  When we bond, we find it hard to let go.  We have developed trust in the person we bond with and we emotionally connect.  We sympathize and grow to empathize with them.  They can eventually become part of you.  You think about them when you are apart.  Death marks the end for everyone.  It hurts when a loved one dies.  We even see it in other animal species.  Our bond was symbiotic and not it is only one-sided.  We cannot communicate on any level, we cannot be intimate on any level.  All our emotion that wants to unload on our loved one needs to get out of us, but it has nowhere to go. It hurts. It is painful. It is agonizing.

This is why suicide is nearly 100% negative in our minds.  We see not only a huge loss to loved ones, we also rationalize that it isn't the answer that that person is looking for.  We rationalize that life sucks, but it gets better.  This is where I find it hard to articulate my thoughts.  Suicidal thoughts tend to be selfish.  A person wants release from pain.  They can't handle whatever is going on in their lives, they may think very little of themselves and wish to take themselves out of others' lives.  They often are thinking very unclearly.

But why isn't it the best answer for that person?  Why is our answer, "life gets better."  Does it always get better?  We don't know that.  Just because someone feels death is the only answer left doesn't mean life gets better.  Lets take a less-desirable circumstance as an example.  A child is raped by their most trusted adult in their life for over a decade and their second-most trusted adult allows it to happen.  As a teenager, this person's spirit is finally broken and they muster up enough courage to attempt suicide.  They fail and get outside help.  Part of their therapy is this notion that life gets better.  They spend their life in therapy, have huge trust issues, have a hard time connecting to anyone other than on a superficial level, may have addictive behaviors and even find themselves in trouble with the law.  Their life still sucks.  They were convinced it gets better but it hasn't.  They are miserable and may be full of hate.  Ultimately, the people that saved this person as a teenager, has helped create a monster.

This is only an example.  It probably doesn't happen in the extremes like that very often.  But it is a believable story pointing to the argument that life doesn't always get better.  We don't know if it will get better.  We only hope it will.  We want that person to stick around and be in our lives, no matter how hard it is for them.  Even though we can do little to make their lives better, we hope they can see our side of things so that we don't have to deal with the loss and all its ramifications.  We also believe sticking around to see if life gets better is worth the risk.  With the finality of death, you know for certain that life will not get better or worse.

Even with "right to die" being very controversial, I hate to even mention the possibility of the human race allowing loved ones the option of suicide.  I can see myself being in favor of humane practices like allowing doctors and patients the "right to die" under certain circumstances, but I'm not sure I would be ok with the concept of having a loved one know the intentions of one who is suicidal and not only not doing anything about it, but even encouraging that person to do what they feel is best.

Regardless of the best options, I'd like to think that typing out my thoughts help me evolve to eventually arrive at the most emotionally mature place I could be.  I think talking about it as frankly as possible and validating all human emotion regarding it is healthy and should be encouraged.