I am a member of many groups on Facebook that typical, True Blue Mormons (TBM) would not be a part of. At first I didn't find value in many of them. Because my transition out of belief was so gradual I often didn't realize the void of the social aspect, as I am inherently anti-social and find my peace in solitude. When I finally did engage I found support and realization that I wasn't alone in that aspect of my life.
What I have further realized is a big problem with rhetoric that creates culture within a belief system. Ethnocentricity is the belief that is taught within Christianity and its subgroups that one's culture or ethnic group is superior. Racism shaped Christianity almost as much as Jesus himself did. Ignorance is another big one. Because one culture adopted another culture's beliefs without properly interpreting language, motive or practice, we end up with a biblical dichotomy (i.e., Israelites in the first temple period did not look at the faith stories they created as literal vs. a contemporary Christian culture that refuses a major aspect of science because they think it goes against their God that they adopted). That's just one simple example of the damage caused by ignorance.
I don't want to get into the weeds too much. I want to get to my point of rhetoric that creates culture. When reading posts and comments on threads on various support groups of those that leave a particular faith or those that leave faith altogether I realize something. Many loved ones that choose to stay either successfully or unsuccessfully bite their tongue regarding how they feel. If they are successful, many relationships are strained regardless. Some stories literally hurt to read. I have a hard time when related humans treat each other the way they do. Let's put a pin in that for a moment.
I have to acknowledge the feelings and the complexity of such a strong reaction when a loved one leaves a belief system. Due to the rhetoric one has bought into and sincerely believes, a believer sees a soul leaving the fold of their God. Due to the literal interpretation on all the stories, this believer is then led to believe eternal unhappiness is inevitable if their loved one stays on this path of unbelief (simply put, Hell and the Devil await them). This is natural when one is entrenched in a belief system of any sort, so I understand an initial alienation.
After many "blow-ups" I've had with loved ones, we end up reconciling. Why? Because our human connection is greater than our disagreements. This is too simplistic though. I like to look at belief differences logically. Step one is the realization that your belief structure has stayed straight and true, while your loved one decided to veer off where it has been told unhappiness abides. Step two is the decision to show your disapproval on a scale from, "I disapprove but still love you," to "get out of my life you unloved heathen." So now they feel possibly lost and alone in their feelings that have not been validated by their most trusted humans.
Step three requires introspection. Because of this, logic doesn't always win as it is subjected to a vast array of trains of thought that may seem logical but in reality are rabbit holes. Every human is vulnerable to this. But if a belief system is all about families, what good does it ultimately do to alienate a family member? Can rational human beings not live in peace with loved ones over differences much like they live in peace around perfect strangers? For a belief system centered on the value found in the core family structure that also believes in an omnipotent, omniscient God who loves and knows all his children and will work out everything perfectly in the end, the volatile, eruptive reaction should give way to reconciliation. Ultimately, this is what an emotionally mature person would end up doing, which leads me to believe that the belief system has a significant role in emotionally stunting its believers. But correlation doesn't necessarily equate to causation, so I will merely suggest the possibility with the caveat that I am not concluding such a connection.
My only other current thought in all of this is appreciation. As my unbelief and the realization of its implications come out slowly to tbm family members, I see strain but no disowning or disaffecting. Although I am not as emotionally mature as I know I could be, I think the roundedness and nurturing we received growing up and the friendships we enjoyed through our formative years combined with the liberal pliability adopted from my dad helped me and my siblings have more or less a healthy emotional state. As far as the strain goes, I won't go as far as to imply I expect it to go away. After all my optimism, I know my family is more or less one that would prefer not to talk about the fact they have a black sheep within their midst, or even talk about subjects that would potentially bring up disagreement. Like many other families that choose to keep a basic relationship intact, the end result may be the same: avoid it.
